It's All In Your Head
by crush.mode
Summary: I'm stuck in here, while he gets to live like nothing ever happened. Nobody even bothered to ask what I wanted. I was supposed to just bind with him, and be happy with it? I don't think they anticipated this.


**This idea has been nibbling at my brain stem since it first wormed its way into my head during a conversation with my dear Meleiyu, whom this is wholeheartedly dedicated to. It was mentioned how .. sad it was that Roxas and Namine just .. bound with Sora and Kairi. Gears started turning, and the blond in my head started beating the crap out of me to write this. Three hours later, here it is. It seemed longer in my notebook. D:Oh, bonus points if you point out the song reference. :3  
**

**Usual disclaimers. Reviews and con-crit are most welcome. Just don't be mean.**

**Sui Chee, this is for you, darling. You got the creative juices flowing again, and I can't thank you enough. I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful Meister, but I'm most certainly not complaining!  
**

* * *

Nobody ever asked me. Nobody even _bothered._

I guess that comes from _being_ a Nobody, though. You're .. kinda on your own.

What?

Oh, right. I'm supposed to be .. _bound_ with Sora. At least, that must be what they thought would happen. That I'd just kind of .. melt into him and we'd fuse together as one being.

_Wroooong._

I'm still right here, giving blood, keeping faith .. well, not literally. I .. nevermind. I don't think he knows I'm here, though. What with all this empty space .. you'd think he'd notice. Eh, what do I care? Everything I knew before this has been taken away, so what should it matter that I'm stick in this kid's head?

I sound bitter, don't I? Sorry. It's just that I _am_, a little, at not being given a choice in the matter.

"_Roxas! You're a _part _of Sora! You _belong _with him!" _

… Right.

So I was spawned from Sora's heartless. So I owe my entire existence – or rather, _non_existence – to his sacrificing his heart to save Kairi. That doesn't mean I .. _belong_ with him.

… Okay so maybe it does.

I just don't think it's fair that I'm fucking stuck in here, while he gets to continue with his happy little life.

I'm not whining. Really. That was Demyx's job.

… Ah, the Organization. Bunch of idiots, the lot of them. I mean really, you'd think that since Mansex had all of us there for a specific purpose, we'd actually be doing something worthwhile, right?

Nope.

He wanted everyone to think Kingdom Hearts was such a big fucking deal. Pfff. It was a fluke. How else could that little shrimp have beaten him so easily? It was laughable, big bad Xemnas being shot down by a spazz with a giant key.

… I'm not giving Sora the credit he deserves. The threat was formidable, he saved the world, blah blah _blah._

I'm deviating from my original thought pattern. That's been happening a lot lately.

Despite the fact that he was more spastic than a six-year-old on a sugar rush, I liked Demyx. No one ever really put much faith in him because of that .. but you can't blame them, can you? He could never sit still, his attention span was roughly the size of a teaspoon, he never stopped _talking_ …

But he was a force to be reckoned with. Especially when you messed with his hair products. Ha, like the time Axel yanked the last of his hair cement and ended up with a flooded bedroom …

Axel.

Lotta history there. Even though I hadn't been with them that long .. he was the one that stuck out the most in my mind.

He was almost as bad as Demyx, with the spazzing. Always moving. Always plotting .. _something. _If I'd never thought that scheming was a naturally occurring part of redhead DNA, I did after I met him.

Like when he and Xigbar collectively came up with a nickname for Xemnas. I swear, they sat around for _hours_ trying to think of something that would fit. It shouldn't have been that hard, but .. hey, look who we're talking about. Neither of them were exactly doing laps in the brain pool. More like .. treading water to keep from downing.

I'll never forget Axel having to scrub every single toilet in Oblivion with a toothbrush after scrawling "MANSEX" all over the Superior's door the night they thought of it. How Xigbar got off free as a bird, I'll never figure out .. but then again, he was second in command so I guess it didn't really matter.

Hm .. what else was it about him?

He'd downright refused to call me Roxas. It was always "Roxy." Even from the beginning. I hated it. He _knew_ I hated it. I punched him, once, just to try to drive the point home. But .. not only were redheads mischievous, they were fucking thickheaded. "Roxy" this, "Roxy" that. Except … The times he said my name when he _wasn't _being a moron .. heh, we won't go into that. I do reside within the mental confines of a fourteen-year-old, you know.

… Sorry. I'm _trying_ not to laugh. I really am.

Axel was the only one of them that didn't think I needed a fucking babysitter. He didn't treat me like the neophyte I really was, even before I got my keyblades and could take care of myself.

Fuck, I missed them. Their weight, the feel of them in my hands, the satisfying _whoosh_ as they sliced through air and whatever I was aiming for.

But they were gone. _He_ had them now. Fucking brat.

… Stop it. Stop moping. You're _fine._

I wonder, though, what would have happened if I hadn't tried to leave. If I'd listened when he told me they'd come looking for me. If I'd stayed, with him, would I have been cut down with the rest of them?

At least I wouldn't have been stuck in that digital wreck, Twilight Town. And consequently gone batshit _insane_ when Namine tried to explain what had happened, and destroyed what I'm pretty sure was a right expensive bit of hardware.

… _What? _Yeah, I remember. I fucking remember _everything_ now. It's all crystal clear.

… Poor Namine. I can see her sometimes, when Sora looks at Kairi. Her eyes are different. She looks .. about as happy with her situation as I am.

I bet nobody bothered asking _her _what _she_ wanted, either.

Fuckers.

So … what now? I know I'm the only one left … if that even counts, now. I know Axel's gone from digging around through Sora's memories. It … should it hurt, knowing? That he pretty much fucking self-destructed so he could see me again?

You … _idiot._

Careless. Fucking reckless. Goddamn self-_decimating_ on my behalf. What were you _thinking?_

You … probably weren't. Not about yourself, at least. Never about yourself. If we do get a next life, I hope I find you. Just so I can bash your fucking head in for being so _stupid._

Ugh … It doesn't matter. It doesn't _matter._ You're gone, and I'm _here._ I'll always be right _here._

Why … why is it so hard to swallow? Why is it so _fucking _difficult to accept the fact that this is as good as it gets, _this_ is what I'm in for until his body dies?

… So, I've always had a problem with angst. Guess it carried over.

Ahh, well. Suck it up. Life's a bitch and then you … fade into someone else's unconscious mind. I swear, Sora, do you _really_ not notice me at all? I could always amuse myself by kicking around your _conscious _mind and see what I can get away with. Pull your chains a little, and just when you think you're going crazy, I'll grin and say:

_It's all in your head._


End file.
